We Can't Be Invisibile Because We Are Here

They say that older women are ignored in America.That the societies focus is on the new and the long legged ample person who might be eighteen years old dripping wet. I still get that look from younger people in fear of I might talk to them.

At length.

Please. If I decided to talk to you it is either because I want to or have no choice in the matter. I was in the store the other day. I wanted to buy a microphone. The young person took me to the computer microphone section.

This is valid. I understand. This is a generation of Skype and social gaming.

I had to explain I needed the non-computer stand alone 3.5 mm or USB microphone.

In the explanation process I could see behind her eyeballs telling me to go away, I was messing with her flow. Then it clicked for her, "Oh, wait, yes we do have the other microphones."

The store was sold out.

It wasn't always this way. There wasn't necessarily this hostility in cross generational exchanges. If we are serious about telling our stories then we need to know the other.




This is Jude Narita. Long time theater actress and passionate about her craft. This is a moment from the Screen Adjustments panel at the Beyond The Bad and the Ugly summit that in March 2013.

Not every is new and there are people that know the path.

There are new ways of doing thing and not every old person is wise. This is why we have to share what we know so that we are clear on who we are and what we believe.

That cannot happen in isolation.

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Walking Away From the Shadows

This is about changing a portion of my life. I do not want to be one of those people that complains that their lives have no meaning or that the circumstances of my life cannot be changed. I do not want to be that person but at times I have been that dark cloud.

I'm trying new things and approaches. I'm scared. I haven't done some of this stuff before.

I shouldn't be so vague. 

I have a day job. It is okay for a day job.

But it isn't what I want to do for the next couple of years. Well,  I could but my spirit is calling me to pay attention to what it wants. I have ignored that spirit for too long.

I can't do that. Nothing wrong with it if that is your choice. I just can't.

With libraries closing my time spent learning to be a library technician/paraprofessional has not exactly borne employment fruit.

Now I do I feel I have gotten a great return on my investment, no complaints. I have foundation skills on how to find information and a whole bunch of information resources. I have connections with really cool people.

Everything that I learned in my classes has helped me be a better writer. Not a grammarian, just the writing part.

I just can't get a library job that will financially support me because we in this nation have hostility towards education and librarianship. No one wants to pay for it or anything else to support the benefit of their communities.

Dumb ass clucks.

Yet, if I tried to save enough for a librarian degree I would still in an employment quandary after graduation.

I was faced with looking for another career option. Again.

So, what am I gonna do? 

That is a good question.

For a while I just numbed out and focused on the day job; the day job that I had intended on leaving. I had to find a way to make peace with that and it took a lot of time. Making peace with my anger that the world did not turn the way that I expected.

It never does. Stupid world.

I needed to look at what I do naturally and what I like to do. I  see a rise in the entrepreneurial educators or resource bloggers/educators. I am noticing that there are huge chasms of information/education that are not being service, documented or even discussed outside of academia and I not sure even there because they don't seem to have focused on changes in their marketplace.

What I am seeing doesn't have a proper name yet. Or I don't know it. 

I see opportunities in the shadows. This is a very good thing. Being able to see opportunities instead of the shadows. The suckers co-exist with each other and it takes a shift in perspective to move from one to another.

So for this year or however long it takes I'm going to be taking real world and on-line classes exploring how to create instructional and educational media. I will be traveling to places I've never been. I'm laying cash money on the line as a down payment on my commitment to go foward.

I am being open to the possibility that once I try this path I might find that is not what I though it to be. It might not be a good fit. That is okay. So long as I am in motion. So long as I am willing to try.

Once more into the breach.

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The Places and Spaces In My Photos

I have been taking photos since I was thirteen. Sometimes it is a snap shot. I try to make quality prints. No, that isn't true. I try to be in the moment and take the photo. Very rarely is it print quality.

It tried to be great when I had my homemade darkroom.They still were snap shots but I gave it a go.

It was hard. The chemicals sometimes made it painful. That D-75 used to eat through my fingers something awful.

I didn't like tongs. 

After a few more prints I learned to use tongs.

There was a time when I gave up taking photos. Making prints. Taking snap shots. Looking at the world.

Part of it was the expense of it. It did cost money to do it on the cheap and that was the only way I could do it.

I was discouraged by a so-called teacher. Male. Worked very hard to get the undesirables out of his classroom. He was good at it.

Mostly it was the vision that I had didn't seem to mesh up with what the world was telling me was acceptable for women and black folk to do.

It beats you down after a while.

I wouldn't even pick up an Instamatic because I couldn't afford to have the film developed.  Yet I kept taking photos in my head.

I have to say that when the first glimmers of digital photography started to appear the stone around my heart started to crack. I laid eyes on that Kodak DS240 or something like it I knew I needed to get in on the action.

It took a while. A long while.

Stocked up on many a photo magazine in the meantime, getting ready.

Reclamation takes a while to kick in. I had to find out what this digital photo business was, did it involve darkrooms or enlargers?

No? Count me in.

I do actually like the darkroom process but no, I'm not going back.

So I take photos of people I've seen on TV. Or buildings. Or the chunk of hunk that is walking down the street. 

They no longer have to be perfect. Unless I want them to be. They are my memories of what I just saw as I move though this place called Southern California.

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Discovering The Little Death Podcast

The crickets have stopped for the night. Only a strangler or two put out last call. I am in-between sleep and being awake so I reach for my music player for something to put me back to sleep.

I'm looking for something different. I came to this podcast a little late but I'm intrigued with a murder mystery set in a future with different rules and beings.

I place the ear bud in and I am taken to the Sextel 69.

In honor of National Masturbation Month 2012 I'm seeking out female friendly erotic podcasts. This one is more literary story than wham bam and that is just the way I like it.

Sometimes.

This is Heat Flash Erotica's "The Little Death," by Helen E. H. Madden.

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Programming School Dropout and Redemption

I've been avoiding telling folks this but it is time to come clean and start again. I am the beauty school dropout in Grease.



I hate quitting anything. Really, I can be guilty of hanging on for dear life until I get it done. Well, life snuck up on me and went booger-booger.

Strike 1. I was doing okay. I wrote my first program and thought my homework was done. What I failed to realize was there were a whole bunch of lessons underneath the first one. I catch that mistake two days before the first quiz and try to cram it down.

You can't do that with an intro Python programing class. I tried but it was painful.

Strike 2. My day job at the Salt Mine got crazy. I can't go into details but let me just say the widgets were asking questions of the whatsits and the whatsits were waiting on the doohickies and in the meantime salt is flowing all over the conveyer belt.

It was lunar baby, stuff was flying everywhere and all I had was a spoon.

Strike 3. I came home and tried again. I'm in Lesson two. I'm still learning vocabulary and programing at the same time. The dude shifted from vocabulary to concept and then from concept to implementation.

I was still on understanding the concepts when bango zoom he was talking about the rafinstinbonk.

It was over. I cured up in my bed, I knew I didn't have a flipping chance.

A Possibility for Redemption

A new session of the class is starting up on April 16th. I'm stubborn. I do not like not learning what I set out to learn. You don't get to be this old without picking up some life skills.

Boomer power baby!

I am gathering supportive tutorial materials:

Videos

Khan Academy has some programming videos:



I can watch or listen to these on my phone via YouTube.

Tutorials

One size does not fit all and I'm looking for re-enforcements.

• At Python.org there is a Beginner's Guide page for non-programmers to access tutorials and resources.
• There is another interactive tutorial at Learn Python.org.
• Python Turtle is for kids and those willing to think like one. There is no shame in my game. You download the software and the follow the instructions to learn concepts in order to move the turtle.
• Yes, there is a podcast for just about everything, this one is for young programmers so if I add the numbers my age I could be youngish.

What About Life?

I know. I could be setting myself up for a fall again. Salt is still shooting across the room but the flow is now in check for the time being. If I can get a better bead on the topic before the new session starts I'll sign up again.

If not, slow and steady will have to be my workflow. Monty would have wanted it that way.

(The programming language was named after Monty Python, which is nice to know but I still feel like a git.)

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Lessons We Need to Understand–Part 1

It has been a week of extremes. Excitement and disappointment. Sometimes it happens at the same time. I have facts but the interpretation of those facts I’m not sure I can do justice. I can tell you what I have seen and observed.

The ZeFrank Lessons

Once upon a time there was a web series called Le Show with ZeFrank. The two people below are not ZeFrank but part of the community at the time that participated in introducing the show. Roll that tape...


It was before Jon Stewart and Colbert and the show was a mix of whimsy, politics, audience collaboration and what ever can down the road. It lasted a year before Ze pulled the plug.

Last week Ze put out the word on Kickstarer that he wanted to resume the show and was looking for backers to fund it. He is going to, among other things, buy a new camera and hire an editor.

He asked for $50,000. Keep in mind that his show lasted only one year that ended in 2007. There were other sporadic appearances by Ze via Time Magazine and other places but folks had moved on.
As of this writing, Ze has $122,282 with four days to go in the campaign.

Ze has asked his backers what they would like to see in the new show. In full disclosure, I did chip in some cash which makes me a non-Hollywood fractional inconsequential non-power playing mogul.

• Most want him to do what he did before. Exactly the same things.
• Some want him to talk about religion.
• Others emphatically do not want him to talk about religion
• Those that want him to rip into the current political climate of yuck.
• Those that want a respite from the political climate of yuck and want him to make music or design or anything that is happening in the current world.
• And there is a fractional few that says “I trust you enough to let you go you way and see what you come up with.”

This is the creative community "put your money where your support is" type of participatory media. I keep telling folks that what we were raised up on is not how it is always going to be from this point forward.

There is events happening that we can’t continue to pretend it does not have an impact on our lives.  Like a broken record I keep saying this and I need to find a better way of communicating it or shut up.

I have it on good authority I can’t shut up.

Here is the thing. As traditional broadcasters look to restrict access to their content and at the same time create destination portals on the Internet we need to really step up independent content.
I don’t think it needs a Kickstarter campaign but you do what you got to do.  If you are good and people like what you do you will be supported.

We don’t have to be dependent on mainstream content. I’m not saying to totally give it up cuz that new Sherlock Holmes on the BBC has got a bunch of Baker Street Doxies going nuts.

I’ve moved to audio podcasting and video from non-traditional sources to replace television. I do watch traditional shows once in a while on the Internet but they do not fill my needs.

A new model is being established. ZeFrank is not the first person to do this; there are other producers who are doing the same things.We needs to pay attention.

That is all I’m saying.

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Mikki Taylor Talks About Taking Risks

Just wanted to share this video with you. It is an interview with Mikki Taylor about how do you leave a 30 year gig and start again.



Yep. feel that 30 seconds of fear and then let it go. Trying to embed that in my brain.

There are two other videos of Mikki on Mediabistro TV's YouTube channel.

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Meeting the People You Sleep With

This takes some explaining. I like audio dramas, storytelling, audio theater, old time radio and stuff like that. I got hooked on Philippa Ballantine podcasts of Weather Child and other productions.

Tee Morris, yes. too many to count. I usually listen to podcasts before I go to bed, when I need to mellow out at work or for medicinal purposes.

I attended Tee's presentation at BlogWorld 2011 in Los Angeles. Excellent. He told the straight scoop and didn't try to get me to believe in the fairly money making slot machine of podcasting. I really appreciate that.



Here is my story. Tee did mention that he and Philippa would be in steampunk attire the next day. I didn't think I get a chance to see them but they were standing near the Podcaster Zone. Do yourself a favor and check their web site http://www.ministryofpeculiaroccurrences.com

I did have my digital camcorder, honest. It was hiding from me at the bottom of my bag. I could only lay hands on my mobile phone. Not high definition but you use what you got. I was also going into a mild fan panic of "record you idiot before they get away."

Folks, I must have looked like a dork. I know it.  But I got the video.

I am putting on my self-desired holiday shopping list an electronic organizer for my handbag. This, I swear,  will never happen again. This is my day 4 video for Vlomo 2011.

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My Spray Candy Experience

Hello friends and assorted relations. It has been a day. A full day. Not like yesterday because all I remember is coming home and crashing at 4:30 in the afternoon. Waking up at 2:30 a.m.the previous day might have contributed to the experience.

There is a bit of sleep desperation going on. I mean deprivation. It could be a good thing. Really. I'm taking the short cut to everything not requiring deep attention.

I apologize in advance. The reason I'm apologizing is that I watch a man doing the dishes in one of the Vlomo 2011 videos. I was about to make every water based sexual innuendo in that post and then it hit me.

Nooooo! You don't know that man. It is wrong. It isn't funny, it is tacky. This is record of participants, not your boy toy catalog.


Now mind you I was only saved by what little rational mind I have left. I can't blame that on lack of sleep but I can try.

Finding The Story

I was rushing to the store thinking I was going to buy clothing. I didn't buy clothing.

I bought food. And being a good shopper I look up at the top shelves and the bottom shelves. Eye level is for suckers. On the top shelf on a clearance rack was a bunch of spray candy.

I am here to testify, One spritz is all you need. Three or more and there will be trouble. It is a fruit juice concoction with Xylitol, Citric Acid and other stuff.

I am not hating on it. Nope. It will bring you back from the afternoon sleepies. For those of us that really can't drink Red Bull this might be the next best thing.

Unless you had a full night's sleep.

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Hey Where Is Poetry In Plain Sight?

Well yeah, there is a story about that. The poetry readings generally happen at a branch of the Pasadena Public Library. That branch is undergoing renovations. Currently the folks are meeting at Maui Wowie, accross the street from Pasadena City College.

This is a good thing. Visually. And I like the smoothies.

But from an audio standpoint it is a mess. You can hear the blender. You can hear the radio pumping out top 6 hits. You can barely hear the poets.

There is no audio cleaner in the world that can handle that kind of background noise. The renovation continues at the library so there is no expectation of repatriation until many mid December.

Or so.  If you are a local poet who want a poetry writing workshop then check out Maui Wowie cuz Don and folks will be there.  But from an audible and copyright standpoint, I just can't record.

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Poetry In Plain Sight - Sean Raymond Hill

Sean Hill has no way of knowing this. I went to school with a roomful of guys with big Afros. I'm sure one of those Afros caused me to almost flunk French.







I came back to the present because it is better in the here and now. Sean is an actor and poet who was one of the guess poets at the most recent get together. This is a poem because today, no matter what day it is, we need a poem.

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Poetry In Plain Sight - Don Kingfisher Campell 2

There are all sorts of ways to say I love you, I know you are present and thank you for affirming me. Poets are always reinventing the message.



It is a one to one to many relationship. Strangers are always included. Don is the ringleader of the San Gabriel Valley Poets writing workshop and poetry readings. His poety blog helps you to keep track of all his doings in the area.







Any poem that mentions the James Mason Thunderbird commercial is okay by me.



James Mason was a fine actor, a classy guy. But he was a real person too. There are times when the money gets funny. You have to do (within moral/ethical guidelines) what is necessary support yourself and your family.







Perhaps the reputation of Thunderbird wine was much different than it is today. From the two times he says "unusual taste" I am guessing no. Mr. Mason classed up the joint but the wine has traveled downhill in an alley near you.



Nasty, wicked stuff.

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Poetry In Plain Sight - Eli Goitein

It has been a while since I've posted poetry. My computer and I are trying to hold on until I get a new souped up power gizmo i5 or i7 level computer. Editing on a Dual Core CPU is no longer a joy when you are editing high definition video.

All of the new software is geared toward Windows 7 and, well, production has slowed down when it hasn't flat out choked. My CPU meter is living in the red zone.

It is a knock down drag out fight but we are now in an understanding phase. I understand that I can only have one software program open at a time and it understands that all I want is one short video to edit.



This is the first video under the current truce agreement. Eli Goitein seems to be a man that does many things. One of those things is poetry. The reading took place at the San Gabriel Valley Poetry Reading at the Santa Clarita branch of the Pasadena, CA Library.

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The Never Ending Need To Be Touched

Our time seems to only validate the bad touch. The married politician looking for outside nookie. The celebrity caught with her panties off in front of paparazzi.

What if you want to be touched and no one wants to do it? Or remembers the reason why it is important? I'm trying to make time for the things I like and it seems that poetry is always taking a back seat.



This is a poem called Touch Me by Stanley Kunitz read at the Geraldine R. Dodge Poetry Festival. It shouldn't matter that he is 92 something years old. It does matter that he is speaking a universal truth.

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La Canada Flintridge 2011 Shakespeare Festival

In the spirit of helping folks find stuff to do for your third year of staycation I have a peace offering to the theater. If you are near the La Canada Flintridge boarder I ask that you give serious consideration to a live theater experience at the La Canada Flintridge Shakespeare Festival.

I've got something for you.


This ain't your pappy's set of dry ole performances. I got the straight skivvy from one of the performers that MacBeth has been reinterpreted:

Inspired by Shakespeare’s Macbeth, After the Autumn is a contemporary tragedy that asks the question: are we fated to be who we are, or do we have the power to change our own path?

I'm not just copying from the web site, one of the salt miner '49s is in the performance.

How many times can you stay at home at watching Mad Men anyway? Don't answer that.

Anyway, there is an opportunity to dine on the grass and experience the play as Shakespeare would have done it, outside under the stars. There are four plays that will alternate so if you don't want to take a chance on Mac there are other items for the selection.

No, it isn't free but it is very affordable. The performances take place at Byrnes Amphitheatre, Flintridge Sacred Heart Academy's campus 440 St. Katherine Drive, La Canada CA 91011.

Bring your sweaters cuz it gets nippy outside after 8 p.m.

Sadly, the inadequacy of the Los Angeles mass transit system prevents me from attending but if you have a car in good condition you shouldn't have any problems.

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I've Never Been to Me on the Finally Friday Freakout

I'm still searching for an adventure to juice my imagination. I've become a drone. I was gong to take a cooking class just to experience taking a day long cooking class. It was cancelled.

I just missed out on a photographic workshop in New Mexico. It was happening this weekend. Couldn't do it on short notice. Ah me. Unlike the lyrics of this song, I need to find a bit of paradise so I can get my bearings.

This is Charlene singing her hit, "I've Never Been to Me."



I've made mistakes this week and survived them. Took naps when I needed. Finally faced up to the fact that concepts like organization and planning are not dirty words. I've never been to this part of me that is spending time fighting information and task overload.

I've never wanted to be so organized it would take the spontaneity out of life. I use to be able to hold everything I do in my head. That is past tense. Or just tension cuz I can't do that anymore.

There are reasons why you need to write things down and then make sure you read the list. What got me moving toward being more willing to accept organization skills was iTunes.

I was looking for a podcast to subscribe to and I cam across Merlin Mann's 43 Folders.

Took a listen. Let me forewarn you that Merlin sometimes uses the full breath of the English language. The ancestors would say he "can be a little salty."

This means that he has the potential to cuss up a storm. Sometimes. Only when he needs to get you to focus. Or he is ticked off.

Rooting around the podcast archives there is good stuff about creativity, procrastination and making changes that may or may not involve tools. Merline also calls B.S. if the tool becomes more important than the task.

I like his videos even more than the podcasts. Dude take it to the edge and bring it home more of the time. You should view his presentation at Webstock.

Dang. So yes, go visit yourself and then if you have time check out some of Merlin's videos or podcasts.

One more thing. I now understand that Merlin is a really famous Internet person. Some are gonna say "Duh, where have you been?" "Why didn't you know?" or "For real?"

I didn't. I was not in a time or mental place that I would have listen to a podcast on organization and creativity. Creativity yes, organization, no.

When I was ready I found the right person at the right time.

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Javon Johnson at the USC Stage L.A. Times Festival of Books 2011

I'm walking around the festival doing some people watching when I hear a voice. I follow my instincts and discover Javon Johnson.



This is a tribute poem Javon spoke about his grandmother and needing her strength to guide him in these most interesting times.

Doing a bit of quick searching about Javon I learn that he is a Postdoctoral Fellow teaching classes at the University of Southern California. I can't find a blog or web site for him as yet.

He has appeared on Def Poetry Jam and other media projects. You can watch an interview of him at the USC Trojan Vision channel.

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Thrones on the Finally Friday Freakout

These are The Dears. Dudes been performing for years. They have guitars and voices. They keep their clothes on as they sing. That is about as much as I know.



This is their song called Thrones.

We can make it to Friday afternoon folks. I know we can. Those that watched the wedding I can't speak for you; do the best you can.

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Poetry and Cookies at Altadena Library

For those of you that are inclined to munch as you read literary works there is a Poetry and Cookies reading at the Altadena Senior Center on Saturday, April 9, 2011 at 2pm in the afternoon.

Alene Terzian is the Altadena Poet Laureate so that will be good for a poem or two. The usual suspects will be slinging along word for word and hopefully new folks too.

The event is free but bring cash money for the purchase of chapbooks, particularly the 2011 edition of Poetry and Cookies, and other assorted goodies.

The festivities take place at the Altadena Senior Center: 560 East Mariposa Street in Altadena, CA. It is National Poetry Month so if you can't make this event there are a bunch more in the pipeline.

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Poetry In Plain Sight - Rex Butters

Rex Butters is a poet and jazz reviewer in the Los Angeles area; at least that is what the 'Tubes tells me. I had the pleasure of recording one of his poems that appeared in issue #49 of the San Gabriel Valley Poetry Quarterly.

This is Rex's poem, Giving Myself the Finger



Doing a little digging I found out how Rex got started contributing jazz reviews for All About Jazz. I found other poems by Rex at Vscorpiozine called Little Sister Going Down and a poem of his called American Nero on OMEGA, Online Journal of Literary Arts from 2006.

It is National Poetry Month so do your duty and at least read, listen or view a poem and let it stay with you a while.

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